New Year, New Approach

I have consistently appreciated the idea of beginning anew. Regardless of how challenging it was, how isolated it seemed, or how painful it was to distance myself from the people and things I considered comfortable and secure (at that time). Maybe it was a coping mechanism I developed over the years due to various instances of abandonment, and I was simply trying to survive.

I've learned to navigate life as a single mom facing challenges, a struggling artist, an ambitious student, and at times, a present partner. I have become deeply connected with my emotions, embracing vulnerability, allowing myself to cry, be gentle, and fully experience my feelings without fear. In 2024, I have experienced every emotion on life's spectrum, discovering pieces of myself in each hue, examining each segment, while still learning to embrace all aspects of who I am. I've both reluctantly and intentionally established boundaries and resolved unfinished business by detaching with love. Yet, in many instances, anger and resentment have been my closest companions.

I recall listening to Tony Robbins discuss emotions, and he mentioned that we often recognize the aggressive emotion without acknowledging the underlying feeling. The truth is, I wasn't angry; I was hurt, felt disregarded, devalued, unappreciated, manipulated, and utterly used. My feelings were wounded. My safe havens were gone. It was all a lie. At least, this is what I told myself in those moments. I allowed myself to sink into despair, to mourn the loss of loved ones, broken connections, and all the misunderstandings that led to prolonged periods of silence and white noise. I was delving into a deeper level of my shadow work. However, this time, I wasn't prepared; I hadn't meditated, watched my diet, or practiced self-care. My discernment and instincts were completely off. I was caught off guard.

It completely threw me off track, which is why there's such a significant gap in my blogs. I had given so much that my heart became exhausted, my soul drained, and my tears were used to nurture seeds I wasn't even sure were sprouting. I was in a race, growing weary from merely trying to survive. I allowed myself to experience emotions once more. That's something people rarely discuss; we often suppress these moments to remain focused on our goals or tasks. But haven't I been doing that all along? I'm a single mom of five, for goodness' sake! I realized my anger wasn't directed at those I love, despite their actions or unkind words. I was angry with myself. I had become so dependent and fixated on their stability, their emotions, their health, their happiness, that I not only neglected my own but also silenced it.

I've been working on this project, which I plan to release to the world, for over a year. It's been incredibly challenging, often leading me into deep depression and withdrawal as I relive experiences to create. I chose not to have a New Year's resolution, an end-of-year reel to post, or lengthy memoirs of gratitude for my loved ones. This year, I simply decided to step into it, being intentionally myself. There are many significant things happening that I can't disclose at the moment, but to whoever is reading this, what I'm about to say may sound cliché: don't give up.

Thank you for sharing this space with me, I hope these words hug you well....

xoxo

-Tinkah

(I took this picture and edited it myself in my bathroom!! Go me!! lol)