Your Village vs. Your Vision

From a young age, I found myself adapting to the company of people who weren't related to me by blood. This experience taught me the saying, "Blood couldn't make us any closer." Many of these individuals became like family to me. As I transitioned from adolescence to adulthood, some of these bonds strengthened, while others gradually faded. My friends' parents often became like additional parents to me, much like my Godparents. Neighbors, certain school officials, or church members became those honorary Aunties and Uncles who, though unasked for, were undeniably important. Growing up in the church, I was often considered a "PK" (Pastor's Kid). For those unfamiliar, this term typically refers to the children of adults who actively minister, preach, or lead within a church setting.

When I decided to pursue music, despite my excitement, I often felt overwhelmed by loneliness. I invited people I considered family, but the issue was they rarely showed up. For churchgoers, it was usually the venue (a bar) that deterred them. Others commonly cited scheduling conflicts or a sick family member, and my favorite excuse was, "I'll catch the next one," though they seldom did. So, how does one tackle this issue while maintaining focused on their craft? How does one avoid harboring resentment due to the lack of support?

So here's the thing, right? When you're looking for your community, how do you evaluate them? How is trust established? When do you finally determine that it's truly a "safe place" to share your vision, seek help, desire support, or even become comfortable with accepting it? I've read numerous posts and watched many conflicting reels and messages suggesting that you shouldn't rely on support; but the truth is, you need it. I needed it. I wanted it, yes; but I needed it. Operating in survival mode, you become accustomed to being hyper-independent. You are the engineer, the creator, the editor, the marketer, the performer, the visionary, the investor; often leaving little time for self-care or reflection.

I often think about Tyler Perry's movie "Meet the Browns," where the father appears at the end beside his son at the podium. After years of denying him acceptance or support, he suddenly feels proud to stand by him. I always value the moment when the son calmly and transparently holds his father accountable. I remember times when, while pursuing a vision or completing a project, I lacked support from those closest to me. It was incredibly painful. I recall feeling invisible and insignificant during those times. The congratulations were usually minimal or nonexistent, accompanied by silent praise. I always felt like the people who say, "When I make it, I'm going to do xyz for..." That's how most people operate, or at least how I was raised. I was taught that your gifts are meant to be cherished at a minimum and given at a maximum. So why weren't they supporting me? Why weren't they listening to my music? Reading my work? Sharing or promoting my gifts? It hurt; I didn't want it to, but it did.

If you happen to be reading this, and find yourself in a space of lack when it comes to support, do not give up, keep creating, keep doing, keep striving, keep going. The village that you desire and need is not only coming, they are patiently and excitedly anticipating your arrival...

Happy Thursday my loves, until next time...

XOXO

-TINKAH

Photography Credit: Emchemist